What does it mean to lose control over the relationship?
There are some very common scenarios where one or both of you feel like the relationship is not going the way you’ve planned or wished for:
- You’re going too fast. It’s only been three or four months and you’re already moving in together, he’s proposing and she’s picking out china patterns.
- You have lost your sense of independence and privacy. This can lead to a situation where you have no friends of your own, where you have no time to be with yourself, where you find yourself depending on each other’s approval before making the smallest decision.
- You are unable to communicate with each other, your intimacy levels are down, you feel trapped in the relationship.
How do I get back control?
The first step, as always, is to communicate. Express your concerns and your dissatisfactions. Try to formulate exactly what it is that bothers you. For example, you can say “I need more time alone”, or “I need to spend time with my friend without you being there”. It is also important that you be honest and don’t hold back, remember that you would hurt your loved one more if you lie or keep things from them than if you tell the truth, no matter how harsh it is. Finally, make sure everything you say and do is followed by a loving gesture; make sure he or she knows that you love them, even though you need some space.